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Apr. 20th, 2011

4/20/11 - the beginning of TKD

So, last time I started to write, I was writing about Waffle Wednesday last week, which didn't actually conclude with me having scarfed down a waffle. We ended up going to Delissimo's and I had a chicken sandwich. That was the first day of me going to the gym. I set a goal that I would go to the gym every day for a week and I have completed that goal! (First YAY!) I've even gone twice a day sometimes. One day, Rob went with me and that was really fun. 

My ultimate goal is to get into shape and feel and be healthier. in order to accomplish that goal, last week, I signed up for a FREE trial Taekwondo lesson at East Side Tae Kwon Do. And Today, I went to that lesson. It was, in a word, AWESOME. Although I hurt in places I haven't hurt in about four years, that's totally okay. I had a blast. The people there were cool too and the instructor was able to change the lesson to fit everyone's individual belt color. (There was a 12 year old green belt, an adult purple belt, an adult white belt and me, a no-belt, lol) While the more advanced students worked on more advanced kicks, me and the white belt worked on Front Kicks and Axe Kicks. I learned that my left leg is weak as hell (damn herniated disc) but other than that, it was super fun! The instructor, Master Marie-Claire, saw that I was athletic and fit enough to the try the kicks which I thought was pretty awesome! She made it fun for everyone, which I thought was great. I was also glad that I was included in an actual lesson instead of just a private lesson. 

Tomorrow is my private lesson at Gotham Taekwondo. It's a bit shorter than my lesson today and it costs something, but that shouldn't matter. I'm going for quality when I decide which Do Jang to train at. So far, East Side TKD did *not* feel like a belt factory, so that's a major plus. Hopefully Gotham won't either. :-) 

Anyway, that's my update on life and TKD (mostly TKD). 

Peace,
Bevin

Nov. 20th, 2010

Writer's Block: Family matters

How many brothers and sisters would you choose to have, and why?

Well, I'd keep the brother i have but add a few more siblings. One younger sister, about 13/14 and one older brother, around 22/23. Oh and probably a really younger sister like 6. Why? Because I want more things to do in my house and my brother wouldn't just be focused on me.

Sep. 20th, 2010

Writer's Block: I'm just a bill, yeah I'm only a bill

If you could change or create a new law, what would it be, and why?

We ALL know my answer to this question. Maybe I'll go into more depth on this topic later though. *Adds this to list of things to do*

Sep. 12th, 2010

Writer's Block: The day the earth stood still

What does this day mean to you?

Wow. 9 years ago on September 11th....I was in 5th grade and we had all been called to Prayers in the Gordon Room. We were all told what happened and some teachers left the room. By the end of the school day, almost all the teachers had left and most of my class was gone too. Where? I wasn't sure. I hadn't really totally grasped what had gone on. I was sitting in my home room and my french teacher, Mr. Brown came in and told me that my dad was there. I got confused and went downstairs with him. Turns out it was my brother and his friend. My brother at the time worked down near Ground Zero, about two-three blocks actually. He had run through the smoke and rubble up the east river. He and his friend walked with me back home. I was sort of in a daze, not really clued in entirely.

The next few weeks in school, our class got letters that asked questions like: Is Manhattan destroyed? Are you okay?

It was sort of surreal. And it made me uncomfortable, having all this attention suddenly drawn to me and my classmates. As far as I knew, none of my classmates had lost family members in the attack. I learned later on that this wasn't true. Some had gotten poisoned, some had cancer. That was hard to deal with. School really wasn't the same for the rest of 5th grade.

The New York skyline was changed forever on that day and I will never forget it.

Sep. 5th, 2010

Writer's Block: Money ain’t a thing

If money were no object, what technology big or small would you buy tomorrow?

1. An iPad for Eryn
2. iPod touches for each of my parents
3. BlackBerrys for me and Eryn with unlimited plans
4. An iPad for Gracie
5. Whatever media players my friends wanted
6. A new camera
7. Nintendo DSi
8. A MacBook Air
9. An iPod nano
10. A teleporter (if they existed)

Writer's Block: Personality goes a long way

Have you ever been the target of cyber-bullying? What was your reaction?

 On many occasions, I have been the victim of cyber-bullying. I still am to some degree today. It really really sucks. It obviously hurt more when I was younger but it still hurts a bit today. The topics that are addressed in it are a bit different today. Now, people somehow enjoy bitching about my lover and how "f-ing ugly" I am. In the beginning of high school, it was more along the lines of "You're a lesbian, EWWW FAG." I've learned that now, people really don't give a crap that I like girls, they're just confused about who I love and why. What I have to say to them: STOP FUCKING LOOKING AT THE SURFACE. Love is about loving the person on the inside. Am I a giant fan of physical attraction? Not really. Do I have physical attraction? Yes. But I have more emotional and intelligent attraction. If I can't go to the one I love after a really hard day and have them know what to do/say, that's going to be a problem. Fortunately, I have someone who knows EXACTLY what to do and for that, I am eternally grateful. ^_^

Back to cyber-bullying. At this point, my reaction is just laughter. Laughter at the fact that some of these people are really really f-ing dumb. Read a book, look at the world around you and shut the fuck up. People like me exist. I'm here, I'm queer, I'm kinky, and I'm NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

Jan. 9th, 2010

Not even mentioned.

Shoved to the side. That's what I feel like I've been. But you know what? I'm not going to elaborate, because I don't need to.

I'm still here for you.


Peace,
Bevin

Jan. 7th, 2010

All or nothing.

This is what it feels like. Like it's all or nothing. And honestly, even thinking about that phrase and how it applies to the situation I'm talking about makes me want to cry. I hate it. You're making it feel like if I don't understand/like/agree/want it too, everything else is going down the tubes. And let me just put this out there, I will not sub to anyone else like I do to you. I don't care if I love them, I don't care if they collar me, I don't care what happens. I'm not listening to them in the way that I listen to you. I'm not going to be Skye and Belle and Bevin to them like I am with you.

Oh, yea. Speaking of Skye and Belle. Let's chat about how I'm not making Skye into a slut. It's not going to happen. Skye is the headspace where things are FUN. Not playful in the sexual way. It's either Belle the slave or Skye who watches cartoons and colors. There is no mixing of them. I'm sorry. Not to mention, I'm a bit concerned about the difference between Belle the slave and Belle the puppy....that line is not as clear now as it used to be.

I'm really not going to go much further at this point. That's probably because I'm on the verge of tears, once again.

I love you.

Peace,
Belle

Jan. 5th, 2010

Goddamnit

Fuck my life. Why am I crying again? This is like....the fourth time today....damnit. And it's not even because of what just happened.

[???] Yeah, you just looked at her face.....

I KNOW. THANKS FOR POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS.

[???] No need to yell.

I've been on edge like all day and I don't know why. *sighs* It fucking sucks. Not like anxious, just really on edge. I've said "No shit, asshole!" so many times it's insane.

[???] I've noticed.

Once again, thanks. You're really freakin helping.

[???] My job isn't to help, it's to be annoying.

[???] Very funny, now be quiet.

GUYS JUST PLEASE A BIT OF PEACE AND QUIET.

[???] I'm out.

[???] Peace.

*sighs* Finally. Jeez. My head has been hurting all day. So, yeah, wonderful I'm back in the hell hole that is Smith. Freaking great. I don't feel my life progressing at all. Like, either I'm at a standstill or the world is, I can't tell.

For all I freaking know this is just stupid goddamn PMS. I may seriously consider just going on the pill to get rid of this lil annoying crappy emotional self that rears its horrendously ugly head every month. (And I'm not personifing PMS) But, oh no, wait. Can't do that without my parents finding out. Bloody brilliant. That's just what I need on top of my mom's lil "I know you better than you know yourself because I'm your mother" tirade. I swear, I'd slash her wheelchair tires if I could. I keep forgetting to take my meds, which I don't think even work at this point. I want to get the fuck out of here right now.

I just wish that I knew what was going on in my head. Why I'm happy and content one minute, the next I'm crying my eyes out but being perfectly capable of acting like I'm not. I want to be able to just be happy here and I just keep getting the feeling that I never will be. And part of me just wants to start filling out transfer apps and pack my bags and LEAVE. Just stick me on a train to Boston. Or hell, I'd walk. Go hang out with Gauri for a few days before heading up to Melrose. Jeez.

Let's see....happy things? Erm...there was chocolate cake for dinner tonight. ^_^ Yep, that made me smile. Oh, and randomly going through insanely long lists of fetishes to add stuff to mine.

Alright. That's all I'm leaving you with. Ta ta for now.

Peace,
BevinBelle.

Jan. 2nd, 2010

3:30 AM Happiness

I figure I might as well update this. :-) So far, 2010 has been amazing. One of the best starts to a year so far in my life. I will never ever forget the beginning of this year. Yesterday, since today is now Saturday, i was finally able to say with confidence that i wanted to be my Mistress' slave. Yes, that may sound scary to most of the folks reading this, but i'm just telling you how it is. ^_^ And now, as a sit here and munch on Cheerios, i will you guys about all the awesome signs i've gotten this past week. these are obviously not in time order, they are in the order that i remember them in.

Let's see where to start...suppose the most recent one...right?
So, New Years Eve night, i'm sitting there with my parents and we have those firecrackers. You know the type, the ones with the paper crown and the crappy little doo-dad? Well, we each had one of those and we made them crack! right at midnight. now, usually, in these things you're only supposed to get one lil doo-dad. Well, this year, i got two. the first: a pen. (feel free to figure out your own meaning) the second: a mini lock and two keys. needless to say, i almost cried.

then there was the song "i'll cover you" playing when i wrote an extremely important email to eryn yesterday. that was great.

and honestly, i can't think of the others right now.

quick update about life: One/two of skye's headmates have met Eryn and one of her headmates. ^_^ Mine have yet to make another appearance. and i'm not sure if any of mine know any of Skyes. Also, a question thats been floating around in my mind: Does Belle have headmates?
so far my thinking about that is that Belle has the same headmates as me, but i'm not sure *shrugs*

anyway. random fact: *good* fanfics of roger/mark are ADORABLE! total SQUEE-fest!!

oh! and two nights @ the autumn inn = 90 dollars! woo! *does a lil dance*

Shout out to Rocky and Sarah = help me convince Eryn to get her sexy butt out to Northampton!! ^_^

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